[ Hello Summer ]

Summer. Summer summer summer summer summer.

Summer is without a doubt my favorite time of the year. But, it's also my least favorite. How could that even be possible you ask? Well this summer, or the 2 weeks of summer that have actually passed, are a great example of just why.

Summer 2015 started off great, with a trip to the beach with my family, and each sibling each got to bring a friend along. In my case, that friend was boyfriend, the always outgoing and enthusiastic companion; Liz's boyfriend Pete was also coming along, so it was like one big date weekend. It was the first time ever that there were more men than women on one of our family vacations and I must say it was strange at first, but oh so much fun. I always love being able to go to LBI any chance I can, and since I hadn't been there in almost 2 years, it was about time I got back. A trip to LBI usually means that we'll see family, get to eat some great food, and spend some time at the beach being able to actually relax. The great thing about staying with family at the same beach every year since I was born (thats when my mom's cousin purchased the house) is that we've done it all. Now, that doesn't make the island boring, but rather it allows us to not feel pressured to do all the tourist things, and pick what we enjoy to do if we so like.

However, since we had a few newcomers to the island with us, this vacation was also a mini crash course in some of the staples in LBI. Walks to Lucille's candy store, a trip to the original Ron Jons, as many trips to Surf Taco as possible, and even an early morning venture up to the lighthouse at the northern tip of the island.

The trip was a much needed vacation after the craziness of sophomore year and finals week, and it was great to have the people I care about the most all under one roof, and at the beach no less. Leaving vacation after only four and half days was definitely not easy, but it was all worth it, because the very next day it was the Kenny Chesney concert at Merriweather!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge country music fan, and a huge Kenny fan as well, so never in a million years could I pass up the opportunity to see him in my own back yard. It was without a doubt one of the best concerts I have ever been too, and it was so much fun to have so many friends there, both old and new, to sing and dance along to the music with. 

But then the slump. "Wait I thought you were working this summer?" Yes, yes I am, and I'm very excited to be nannying for the I can't remember how many summers in a row. However, there's this little technicality of how Baltimore county schools don't get out for a month after UMD does (despite how we go 2-3 weeks longer than most colleges). So here I am, with seemingly nothing to really do for two weeks until the kids get out of school and I can finally nanny. 

So thats why I love and hate summer, cause while it started great and I'm excited for the rest of it, these two or so weeks in between are really, super, boring. I have high hopes for you Summer 2015. Don't let me down. 

LBI sunset and boyfriend

Kenny concert with none other that the BFF

[ My Favorite Bible Verses ]

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Proverbs 31:10

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 

He determines the number of stars and calls them each by name"

Psalm 147:3-4

"She is more precious than jewels,
    and nothing you desire can compare with her."

Proverbs 3:15

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength,
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
    they shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

"This God—his way is perfect;

the promise of the Lord proves true;
 he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

For who is God, but the Lord?

And who is a rock, except our God?"

Psalm 18:30-31

He is not afraid of evil tidings;

    his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

Psalm 112:7

" Whatever your task, work heartily, as serving the Lord 

and not men,  knowing that from the Lord you will receive 

the inheritance as your reward; you are serving the Lord Christ"

Colossians 3:23-24

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; 

be not frightened, neither be dismayed; 

for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, beg you to lead a life 

worthy of the calling to which you have been called"

Ephesians 4:1

"Fear not, for I am with you,
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

"So every one who acknowledges me before men, 

I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven; 

but whoever denies me before men, 

I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."

Matthew 10:32-33

"But he who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, 

shall receive a light beating. Every one to whom much is given, 

of him will much be required; and of him to whom men commit 

much they will demand the more."

Luke 12:48

"He who is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much; 

and he who is dishonest in a very little is dishonest also in much"

Luke 16:10

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice."

Philippians 4:4

"Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and 

supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

Philippians 4:6

"We know that in everything God works for good  
with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

“Not every one who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."
Matthew 7:21

 "And he said to all, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake, he will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of man be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.” 
Luke 9:23-27

[ 20 Things I Learned In 20 Years ]

Holy moly, I turn 21 in less than a year. I find it strange how you never feel as old as you think you should for your age. My first 20 years have had their ups and downs, but the things I've learned have helped me to get to where I am. Hopefully some of these life lessons can help someone else out too, so here are twenty things I've learned in my first 20 years.

1. Always put God first, cause at the end of the day, He's the best friend and protector anyone could ask for. He always listens, and loves without end, amen. 
2. Mom's usually know whats up, and they usually mean well, even if you don't realize it when you're younger
3. Never let your laundry go more than 2 weeks without being washed, even if its just for clean underwear
4. Working hard in school is always worth it. No matter what you want to be when you grow up, you need to succeed in school to get there. A few all nighters may be necessary, but thats what coffee is for
5. In addition to #4, SLEEP! Yes, you can never get back the hours that you're asleep, but you also can't get back the hours you wasted when you were too tired to do anything cause you stay up for no reason. Going to bed at a reasonable time is smart, it doesn't make you an old person. Heck, older people are usually very wise, so they must have a good reason for going to bed early.
6. Be loyal to those who have earned it, to your family and friends, but sometimes you can't stand by someone if they're doing the wrong thing. Sometimes even our best friends need tough love. 
7. Quantity of friends is not important, quality of friends is. I've learned the hard way that finding the few, maybe 4 or 5, people who really know you and love you unconditionally are worth more than anything, and its ALWAYS worth it to keep them in your life. Never lose touch with them, don't take them for granted, and make sure they know how much they mean to you every chance you can. They are the ones who will be there at 4 am when you need to talk or cry, so do the same for them. 
8. There's no such thing as normal 
9. You never know what's going on in someone else's life or head. Something may seem ridiculous to you, but it could seem like the end of the world to them. 
10. The things you own do not define who you are, but you shouldn't judge someone just because everything they have is high end, a purse is a purse, if someone wants to spend lots of money on something, that's their decision.  
11. Actions speak louder than words, go out of your way sometimes to show someone you care, don't just tell them every once in a while
12. Tell your loved ones "I love you" every chance you get. Whether its your family, significant other, or even best friends, its always good to let them know how you truly feel. You'll never regret saying it, but you will regret that one time you didn't and can only hope they know
13. Taking pictures to remember things is great, but don't get caught up behind a lens. Make sure you actually remember to live in the moment sometimes. You might not have a picture of what you did, but you may actually then do something. Don't instagram your life, live it. 
14. Keeping a journal is very beneficial, even if you only write in it every once in a while. Its a great way to vent/get your thoughts out, and looking back on it can teach you a lot about yourself. 
15. You should worry more about who you are on the inside than on the outside. No, don't be a slob, but being a good person will get you much farther in life than being the most good looking. 
16. Breakups are NOT the end of the world. You WILL get over it, and you WILL move on, and most likely you'll eventually grow and learn from it. My serious breakup was one of the best things to ever happen to me. I was able to work on myself and grow as a person, and at the very least, it puts you on the road to your soul mate. 
17. Staying in is often 10x better than going out, and sometimes making social sacrifices in order to do well in your classes, is without a doubt necessary. For instance, you'll never regret staying in and studying in order to get an good grade, but you will regret going out and getting a bad grade. 
18.  Love yourself, forgive yourself, and take care of yourself. This body and this life are the only ones you get. And never compare yourself to others, because everyone is different, and its only a dead end road of discontent and unhappiness.
19. Parents don't get enough credit for what they do, and they have this amazing, unconditional love that allows them to forgive you and support you no matter what. They know you're going to fall down sometimes, so they're usually more than willing to help you get back up. Being open and honest with them allows you to build a mutual trust, and makes life so much better and easier. 
20. Everything happens for a reason. 

"There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age."

Sophia Loren

[ 12 Frat Row ]

There's something about walking up to the chapter house and going inside that still gives me butterflies. Maryland's fraternity row is very impressive, with fourteen houses that are all the same and situated in a U shape. Greeks and non-greeks, students and visitors, even the random passerby, have all commented about how nice the row looks and how impressive the houses are. Maybe thats why I still love walking up to the house, no matter why I'm going there, but deep down inside, I know it's so much more than that. 

The first time I ever stepped foot in the Zeta house was fall recruitment in 2014. 

I didn't originally plan on doing fall recruitment when I had to pull out of recruitment earlier that spring. I just figured I'd wait until the next spring, and go through formal recruitment. But then I learned that Zeta was doing fall recruitment, which they do not usually do, this was a rare opportunity. Now by the beginning of sophomore year, I had many friends in most of the sororities on campus, and I had a good idea what each of the chapters was like. Oddly enough, Zeta was the one sorority I knew the least about. I only knew two girls in the chapter and those were simply through mutual friends, and I really knew nothing about the personality and reputation of the chapter. All I knew about Zeta was what I had heard from my high school college counselor, who was a UMD ZTA alum herself, and what I had learned from media and personal research on different sororities. Looking back now, that made all the difference.  Going in with a completely open mind allowed me to look at the chapter for what it was, and not what I wanted it to be. So fast forward to those first steps into the Zeta house. I went by myself, and walking up to the house was definitely nerve racking. Obviously I wanted them to like me, and I did not want the conversations to be awkward, but most of all I wanted to stay true to myself and not give them a fake perception of who I was. 

Many people will say that you'll "just know" a few things immediately when they happen- when you meet the right person to spend your life with, when you find your perfect wedding dress, and what chapter you're meant to be in during recruitment. I was nervous, that because this was not formal recruitment, I'd have nothing to compare Zeta to, and I wouldn't get a clear sense of if it was a good fit. Wrong.

From the moment I walked through the door of 12 Frat row, I felt home. The girls were warm and welcoming, and even the house itself was very homey. (I always like to tell people how it has the same colors on the walls as my living room at home, making it even more like home to me). Never once did I feel awkward, the conversation seemed to flow, I got along with every girl I met, and never once did I feel pressured to be someone I wasn't. I knew right away that I could spend the rest of my life as a part of this amazing sisterhood. 

As soon as I joined, I was welcomed in with open arms. Walking across campus meant running into multiple sisters and saying hi to me, and I gained so many more friends in my classes. I gained a support system of more than 100 sisters who can help me with almost every different thing that comes up. Whether it is helping with school work, attending an event, or even donating to one of the many different causes I have fundraised for, I have always found that sisters are usually willing to step up and help.  

The girls in my chapter are from so many different walks of life, and yet we are all accepting of each other. There are blondes and brunettes, science majors and dance majors, native and foreign born, red fish and blue fish. And yet we all get along so beautifully. Put over 100 girls together, and you're bound to have squabbles and drama. Sure, there are definitely disagreements at times and not everyone always sees eye-to-eye, but without a doubt, I really believe any of my sisters would come to my aid if I called them at a time of need, even in the middle of the night. Likewise, I'd be there for any of my sisters if they ever needed me, and even if I'm not close with them or don't always get along with them, I have the utmost respect and appreciation for who they are as my sister. I have never been a part of a more accepting, loving, supporting, understanding, and all around amazing group of people. Needless to say, accepting the bid to join Zeta was a no brainer. And it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Every day, I grow more and more in love with my sisters and our chapter and Zeta Tau Alpha as a whole. 

I think thats why I still love going to my sorority house. I'm reminded every time of the appreciation I have for Zeta, for the love that they've showed me, and how privileged I am to be a sister. Its been 117 years since our founders established ZTA, and yet here I am walking into the house, holding myself to the standards and values they set out for us in our creed and wearing the same crest as thousands of women before me. But more importantly, I love coming home, to my home away from home. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is with Zeta. 

✽ Feels like home to me, 

Zeta's home to me ✽

[ The D Word]

“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”

-Brené Brown

I have depression. There, I said it. 4 years ago, I would have been so scared to even talk to anyone about that. Even still today, I'm careful about whom I straight up tell that too, and I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of it being such a taboo topic.

I'm sick of having to deal with it behind the scenes.

I'm sick of hearing people not admitting that they have it.

I'm sick of people not getting the help they need.

And I'm sick of hearing about people taking they're lives through suicide. 

Now before you jump to conclusions, no, I've never been suicidal. I've never gotten to the point where I even thought about taking my own life, I've never been in a place that deep and dark, or gotten to that point of desperation for relief. But I have known many people who do get there, and I know a lot of people who have thought about it. Thankfully, everyone I know battling it right now is still here today. 

My depression began the middle of sophomore year of high school, and by the summer of 2011 rolled around, I had depression, mild anorexia, and PTSD. Anyone who has ever had even one of the 3 knows how hard it can be, so the cocktail of all three wasn't a pleasant time. I spent most of that summer at home every day, spending my time reading books or watching TV.  I rarely talked to my friends - the very few I hadn't isolated from my life - and used food as a way to maintain control over some part of my life. 

The scariest part of that summer was this: if you asked me if anything was wrong, I'd say no, and that I felt perfectly fine. 

My family would make little comments every now and then, saying I should eat more or asking if I was okay, but I'd brush them off. I didn't want to accept that anything was wrong with me. If something was wrong, then I must have failed, and I must be screwed up and need help. It wasn't until one night I noticed that so much of my hair had fallen out that my ponytail was basically 1/4 the size it used to be. The memory is still clear as crystal, walking downstairs to find my parents by the computer, looking at them and saying "I don't know what's wrong, but I need help". I cried myself to sleep that night, but I felt a little better, accepting the fact that something was wrong and knowing I was going to get the help I need. I was finally hopeful again. 

Eventually I got the help I needed, saw the therapists and psychiatrists, started on medication, and mentally worked hard every day to see the good in everything. Slowly but surely, I learned how to gain control over my life again, my thoughts and emotions, and release the strict control I had used on my food to compensate. I got back to a normal weight, found an amazing group of friends, and the rest of high school was amazing. An upward battle, but an amazing recovery. I was able to get back to a place in life that I did not need to be on medication anymore, and stopped right before coming to college. 

Fast forward to sophomore year of college. By the middle of sophomore year, I was having a good year school wise, I had joined my amazing sorority and found so many wonderful friends. And living with my two best friends from freshman year was as exciting as I had hoped. Plus, I had found the most amazing guy who was everything that I ever could wish for. 

Yet I found myself having down days again.

 Never to the point I did before but still unlike the normal "bad day" that is common for most.  My depression was now more of a gloom, a fuzzy dark cloud that made my mood melancholy and my appetite disappear, lack of motivation to do anything and no desire for human interaction. My depression had changed from what it was in high school, and one of the main differences was that I was aware that I was prone to it, and could recognize when it was hitting. Those closest to me knew that I have it, so I was able to talk to them about it, which is the most amazing thing and makes so much difference. I decided to contact a professional again, and go back on a low dose of medication. It wasn't an easy choice, because part of me still felt like I was admitting defeat and that I was not able to be happy by myself, but I knew it was better to get the needed help than suffer more than I had to. 

And I also knew that as hard as it was before, I had overcome it. 

"Fall down 8 times, get back up 9 times."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

"Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you"

Everything happens for a reason is one of my mottos in life. It didn't used to be, trust me. But anyone who had been through tough times and survived, or overcome hardships in life, can attest to the fact that they grew from them, if not in strength than experience. 

Isolating my friends eventually taught me the importance of a close friendship, being completely open with those you hold close, and to not allow my introverted depressed tendencies to let me lose the ones I love. I have learned to not spend time on friendships that are toxic, and to foster the ones that will help me grow. I have been able to find friends who not only accept me for who I am, but love all the differences and embrace me all the same. Even just this year God has blessed me with friends who have become so close and precious to me, who know how I feel, can relate to me, and thus support me in ways that others cannot. And to my beautiful little Julia, and my fast friend Jamiee, you two mean more to me than you will ever know. 

A toxic relationship and break up taught me the importance of finding someone who values you more than you can fathom. I appreciate my wonderful boyfriend and our amazing relationship so much more than I probably would have, because I know how special it is to have found that person. He has become such a rock for me when I'm going nuts, dealing with stress or depression some days, or even just every day, making me laugh and making sure I know how special and beautiful I am. Ladies, if you find a guy like that, you've found a keeper. I thank God every single day for him, and truly believe he came into my life at the perfect time. 

Most importantly, the fact that I've overcome depression before reminds me that it is possible to beat it. Life is so beautiful. If you try hard enough, you can find a reason every day why life is worth living. Diving deeper into my Catholic faith has brought me not only peace of heart and mind, but hope and inspiration. So many others including the saints have struggled with the same things I do, and they're perfect examples of using their struggles to grow closer to the Lord, as well as to keep on living. 

Now that I'm getting to the end of this post, I don't really remember what message I was trying to clearly convey when I started writing it. But that isn't really a bad thing. Everyone will probably get something different out of it I guess,  depending on what they're looking for, and I hope that it is something beneficial. 

If you know me but didn't know this about me, now you do.

If you were too afraid to accept how you've been feeling but it kinda sounds similar to this, please please talk to someone.

If you already know you have depression then you're ahead of the game. Let's be friends, cause its so much better knowing you're not alone. 

And if you've ever contemplated taking your own life, or currently are, don't. I love you way too much, you're so special, and it would be such a sad thing to lose such an amazing person as you. It gets better. You are loved. 

You're here for a reason, and life is an exhilarating adventure.

"But whatever experience we have, whether it is good or whether it's bad, we can always remember it and learn something from it. And it's those moments... when something touches you, something opens up something that you didn't realize before, you feel a longing, you know, that you never felt before."

 - The Human Experience 

“I just want you to know that you’re very special… and the only reason I’m telling you is that I don’t know if anyone else ever has.” 

-Perks of Being a Wallflower

[ Just what we need right? ]

I know what you're thinking, another basic white girl with a blog. Yeah, I agree, but thats not totally what this is about.

Its more about growing as a writer, something thats been a personal goal of mine for a long time. For a while I was pretty good at keeping up with my journal. During the summer and winter break, it was such a relief to get away from everything and write for a little while.

But let's be realistic. While away at school, it's hard to find time to just sit and write in a journal. What I do find myself doing a lot is getting distracted on the computer when "doing homework" (sorry mom I promise I get it all done eventually). So why not create an outlet where I can be {somewhat} productive and easily access it on my computer when I'm dilly dallying.

So here it is. An outlet for all my thoughts and nonsense rambling.

I hope you find me as funny as I do, or even half as interesting as my boyfriend must think I am
.